:) / :(

Well it’s not been one of my best days today. I totally hate falling sick to an extent where I can not go to work, and I believe that there is no point in falling sick if there is nobody around to take care of me and pamper me. So now, since I live all alone, there was no one to push me to do things to which I would keep saying no for a long time. fully aware all through that I am being asked to do the “right” things, i'd give in only after some prolonged effort from the other parties.

Here, I must accept. I am a difficult person to be with when I am not feeling the best. I hate talking, eating, or basically doing anything. My funda is that to recover from an illness the body needs rest, and the same should be granted to it in the complete sense. But then, people want me to expend my energy on things like eating, visiting a doctor and I hate doing any of it.

Today, when there was no one to tell me to do anything, I realized I had to push myself for a lot more than just this. While just eating seemed a daunting task earlier, today the task was far more elaborate. I had to first cook for myself and then force myself to eat.

In my nine months of living alone, today was the first time I felt like taking the next flight home.

The entire thing with feeling sick and lonely, and missing home made me really sad. As in “really” sad. And trust me, it takes a lot, for me to actually feel sad. While I was experiencing all of this, I was online since I did not have anything better to do, or rather more out of habit. So in a bout of “real” sadness I made my Gtalk status message as a sad face [ :( ]. And I had never imagined what followed.

Within seconds of my doing this, I had chat windows popping all over the place. And what made me wonder and even laugh was what people thought. The first comments ranged from a simple “hey..what’s wrong” to more animated “tujhe pyaar vyaar to nahi ho gaya”. So after explaining things to most people that I was just feeling unwell and that the good weather was making me sadder, for I couldn’t really enjoy it, I was rather surprised by what most people had to say. “ C’mon Garry, remove that sad face, just doesn’t go with you,” to the extent that I was being cornered. I too finally gave in and all this in a matter of less than 30 minutes.

Though I did change my status message, not that I stopped feeling sad, I was feeling pretty much the same as before, except that I had a new thought with me. Agreed that I am happy or in an attempt to be happy, at all times. Does that mean that I have lost the right to be sad? Being sad is an absolutely valid human emotion, though not the best. Just like anybody else, I have the right to feel sad, though I still maintain that I shall strive for a happy face at all times :)

P.S: this note was written on 21 April 2010. I am perfectly well n happy now :)
just been too bu/la ZY!!